God’s ways are as mysterious as the pathway of the wind, and as the manner in which a human spirit is infused into the little body of a baby while it is yet in it’s mother’s womb. Eccl 11:5
David said, “While the baby was still alive, I fasted, and I cried. I thought, ‘Who knows? Maybe the Lord will feel sorry for me and let the baby live.’ But now that the baby is dead, why should I fast? I can’t bring him back to life. Someday I will go to him, but he cannot come back to me.” 2 Samuel 12 :22-
I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Jer 1:5
If you are searching for an answer to this- I hope you will find it here. You will not get man-made ideas, rules made from the church or made up imaginations. Here you will receive the absolute truth and I pray that it would bring peace upon you and tug on your heart to come back to the Lord- to give you hope for tomorrow, peace for today and a stronger faith in our Heavenly Father. May the Lord comfort you and give you wisdom to understand.
You guided my conception and formed me in the womb.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Job 10:10. Ps 139:13-16
Loosing a child is indescribably painful. It is a tremendous feeling of loss, uncertainty and for some fear and anger. Where is my baby? Where is my child? I felt like screaming for her; running to the ends of the earth to find her. It was hard to believe that she just disappeared. How can that be – my mind just couldn’t understand it. She had to be somewhere. I searched and prayed earnestly with all my heart.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18
In order to explain what the Lord showed me and told me, I will start my story from the beginning:
Years ago my husband and I were expecting our first child- a daughter. We were so excited and had already begun to prepare for her. We had the room ready, crib set up and many cute outfits and gifts all ready in her room. At 25 weeks of pregnancy I went into early labor. She was born weighing only 2lbs. Her name was Sarah. The doctors told us she had no chance of survival. She passed away in my arms 20 hours after she was born. I felt like someone had grabbed her out of my arms and run away with her. I heard everyone say “she’s in heaven, she’s okay” BUT I WANTED PROOF. Was she okay? Was she scared? Was she a person? Did she have a soul? Where was she?
To explain how I felt- it felt like she had been kidnapped- Where was she? How could this happen? I could feel something leave her body and I desperately wanted to know where she was. I held her body- but at that moment I knew she was gone- her body was only the covering- and she had disappeared.
I cried out to God- where is she? Where is she? Where is she?
Though God brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men. – Lamentations 3:32-33
Sorrow is better than laughter,
for sadness has a refining influence on us. Eccl 7: 3
And this was my prayer:
I won’t dare ask you why this happened, because I know I’m a sinner. I know I can’t know or understand why this happened, but one thing I need to know is- where is she? Is she okay? Please let me just see her. Please ! Please! My friends around me have abortions and even though I know it’s wrong- I’ve excused them with their excuses- but was it really a child? Was it nothing? Was Sarah nothing? I’m confused Lord- the world tells me that it’s nothing, so does my Sarah exist? If I didn’t baptize her- would she really be in hell- like everyone says? The world tells me one thing and my heart tells me another.
Lord, I remember King David said when his son died “He cannot come back to me, but I can go to him” Lord, can I really see her again- where is she? Lord, I remember the parable of the annoying woman who kept coming to the king and finally the king gave her the request because she was so persistent. Lord, I know you will answer my prayer. I will pray day and night, day and night until you answer me. I will never stop and I know you will answer me. If I pray until the day I die- even then I know you will answer me. I need to know where she is. Show me, show me, show me, and I promise I will not bother you again about this once you explain where she is to me.
In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. – Psalm 18:6
Answer me, O LORD, out of the goodness of your love; in your great mercy turn to me. Do not hide your face from your servant; answer me quickly, for I am in trouble. – Psalm 69:16-17
I was persistent and prayed earnestly with all my strength.. I prayed with every breath I took all day and all night the same prayer-day after day after day-it was all I could think of. I would never give up. I knew the Lord heard me, I knew He would answer me.
THE LORD ANSWERED MY PRAYER AND BROUGHT ME TO HER:
Exactly 10 days after she died: I had gone to sleep and suddenly I was somewhere else. Suddenly I was in a huge house or mansion . I was in a foyer of this house or mansion. I remember specifically it was all made out of wood. To my right were double entrance doors and to my left another door- as if to a kitchen, and also stairs. Before me was a large open door that lead to a huge room. I stepped forward, still in the foyer and looked……… I saw a huge room I could see no end to it. It was organized with wooden cribs in rows that went on and on. Throughout the room were women buzzing about taking care of all the children. I remember they were the most most loving women. They were coming in and out of a door to the left of the room. They wore long skirts and a white shirt. The room was filled with babies of all sizes. Tiny tiny and bigger babies like mine. The room was full. Instantly I knew things. I knew the women here who took care of the babies were very loving. I knew God had given them this job in heaven to take care of all the babies who die.
When I was there, without anyone speaking to me, I suddenly knew things I never knew before.
As I stood there- I knew that I knew that I knew- that I was home. I just knew. It was as if I had come from this place and was now back home. It was similar to the feeling when you come back home from a long trip- when you are happy to finally be resting at home where you belong- that’s what it was like. Without a doubt in my heart- it’s our home and where we long to be.
There was a lady approaching me and knew who I was. She knew Sarah and my Grandmother and she knew how each baby had died. As I looked around at the room and all cribs, I asked her “What is this?” ( We spoke to each other without sound somehow- I could almost cast out my sentence and words to speak- we couldn’t read each other’s minds, but we could communicate somehow without noise- hard to explain- but it made sense at the time) She responded back to me “This is where all the babies come- just like yours- the miscarriages, still birth, the abortions and the deaths –like your child” She told me my grandmother visits her and when she was old enough she would be with her. I was so excited to hear about my grandma, I insisted she let me see my grandmother- but she refused. I argued back and forth begging to see her but the lady told me she had instructions and I was not to leave the house I was in.
She brought me my little Sarah and I was able to feed her 2 bottles. She was the same size she was in the hospital- but a bit plumper. I was able to feed her the bottles and hold her close. I didn’t want to come back home. I wanted to stay. I held her as long as I could until the lady returned. She told me I had to go back. I said “NO! I’m okay here, I don’t need to go back, I’m okay, I’m not going back.” The lady said “You have to” , No I argued back, Im home, and I’m staying” The lady said “You must go back- The Lord has work for you to do”
Last thing I remember was Sarah on my lap- I had to leave and I had to hand her back. I was thankful for this moment, yet sad to go. I didn’t want to come back. I wanted to stay, it was my home. I fell into my sleep and woke up sitting up quickly in the middle of the night- in shock! What just happened? Then I remembered…the Lord had answered my prayer. He had shown me where she was. He had shown me how much He loves my daughter. I knew that His love for Sarah equaled my love for her times infinity. Of Course, He is our Father- and He is Sarah’s father. He loves her and is taking good care of her.
Do un-baptized babies go to hell? NOOOOOOO
I rejoice that He answered me and gave me peace with my questions. He put understanding in my heart. I now know that I, too, will see her again. She cannot come back to me, but I will go to her. I understood how short our lives really are.
I have set my face to do the Fathers will and live in obedience so that I may again return home with Him.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. – 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. – Nahum 1:7
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. – Zephaniah 3:17
This is a verse I clung to during this time:
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. Rom 5:3-5
Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh. – Luke 6:21
As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you,” says the Lord. The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. – Is 66:13, 58:11
I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow. – Jeremiah 31:13