Post Concussion Syndrome Week 4 recovery PCS (day 33)

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I know these aren’t in line with my usual posts, but if someone is googling for help with PCS, I hope they can find some kind of hope here and know they are NOT alone. The video below is the only site I could find relating to what I am dealing with after weeks of searching.

I mentioned last week how I was coping and listed a few things that helped me including verses. If anyone is suffering form PCS or you know anyone who is, below is an excellent video that describes what we are going through. If anyone asks how I am, I either reply with a good, okay, alright or hurting. I don’t go into detail because I don’t want to think about it, but Laura, in the video below, describes everything I am experiencing as I trek though this.

Like shes says, we don’t have a cast on our head and we look normal, but we are dealing with many concussion symptoms no one can see – not even MRI’s or CT scans.

Am I any better than last week? Well, it’s like asking if I saw any growth in the tree in my backyard. I’m sure it grew, but I just can’t see it. Please know that hope is ahead and don’t ever ever give up. Use scripture to pull you out of the pit of depression and anxiety, ask for prayer – or leave a comment and I will be praying for you. The bible says to rejoice in our trials, find something to give thanks about and listen to uplifting songs of hope. I am thankful God stopped everything in my life and had me slow down. I now have more time with the Lord and more time for prayer.

 

In the first week or two after hitting my head, I felt like I was being sealed up in a coffin and no one could see  I was alive. Inside I was myself and my thoughts were normal but I couldn’t express anything. It made me wonder about the many people and children I see in wheelchairs that can’t talk or express themselves. I wonder if inside they want so badly to talk and express themselves but they are shut in and no one understands.

We are still the same, our processor is just a little slow

How much longer do I have? I don’t know and I don’t care right now. I don’t want to think about it. I can’t walk 7 miles or go to dance class everyday like I used to, but I’ll find new things to do. Take the challenge! Be strong! Walk by faith, even when we can’t see it. Remember Hebrews 11 says : Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. You may not see or feel it, but have Faith that God will heal you and don’t let your faith get tossed around like the waves of the sea. Get scripture out and say it all day if you have to, keep your Faith alive and refuse to entertain thoughts of hopelessness and fear. It’s not easy. It’s a war and you need to fight it.

 

2 Cor 12:9 MY GRACE is sufficient for you for my POWER is
made perfect in WEAKNESS.

God knows

God cares

God sees

God hears 

Cry out to Him

Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
 I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;

Wait, I say, on the Lord ! Psalm 27:14

The Lord says,  “In returning and rest you shall be saved;
In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.”Isaiah 30:15

Recovery from TBI: Expectations vs. Reality: Trying To Explain My Brain Injury To Most People .....Is Like Trying To Nail Jello To A Tree.~Gary TBI Survivor 2003:

Concussion Recovery week 3. day 27

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ughhhhh 27 days! Can you believe this. I wished I was still sleeping when I woke up today because when I’m sleeping there is no pain, just an occasional weird dream. Not every morning is like today, every day is different.

I don’t have an exciting story about my concussion, I woke up with a bruised head and later I bumped my head at the gym during a vacation in fort Myers at Pink Shell. Two hours later it hit me. Not an exciting story, I wasn’t doing triples on skates, kayaking through rough waters, jumping out of an airplane or exploring caves in Turkey – no, just an ordinary knock me out concussion without notice! I’m in bed most of the day. I’m not supposed to read, watch tv or do anything with thinking but here I am blogging and I’m reading the bible, a little dizzy now, but I hope to make it through.

I had NO idea recovery would be this long. I’ve been wanting to blog but my mind won’t let me. It’s difficult to drive, it takes all my concentration. If I see a bird or an iguana or anything that gets my attention, I forget I’m driving “Oh look! that hawk is huge and has a fish in his claws..or is it a baby duck, what is it hmmm I wonder what lake he got that fish from  ” or “wow, look at all those vultures circling the marked off area of swamp, I bet there’s a body in there, should I call the authorities, why aren’t the vultures eating yet” . So on my last 2 short driving excursions, those were a couple of my distracting thoughts before I remember again that I’m driving. I stay off the road mainly, just once or twice took a short drive, but need more time.  If someone in front of you is slow, please be patient! it may be me, and I always honk back. That’s just who I am.

I can handle an occasional conversation but if I’m around more than 3 people, I get really confused and it’s difficult.

Staring has become my new hobby and scrubbing grout or a stain on anything for a long time, is a new skill i can do. I now notice things I never did before, like how I need to clean my blinds and my kitchen cupboards. One thing at a time. It’s almost like I’m on Ritalin. but hey, is anyone listening?

One of my first days back at attempting to read, I read this:

Daniel 11:35 And some of those of understanding shall fall, to refine them, purify them, and make them white, until the time of the end; because it is still for the appointed time.

  Wait a minute, I just fell and is this verse telling me something  or am I thinking to much?

So let me share some things I’ve learned, Ive thought or helped me though:

  1. Always be prepared – Thank God I had 6 months of homeschool planned with papers printed and organized in a binder per week. I am sure God nudged me to do that for this purpose.
  2. Live a life to please the Lord and not people. I can’t make everyone happy and I am A OK with that.
  3. I think depression is an evil spirit that tries to take over, you need to fight back. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. If you don’t agree, that’s cool, I have no energy to fight. I think the same of anxiety as well. I cant see into the spirit world, but that’s what I’m thinking. Don’t be mad
  4. Is it just me, or are doctor’s over medicating everyone
  5. Please be quiet
  6. Always remain hopeful! So many times I was losing hope, hate that feeling! Healing is taking so long and I’m used to drive through wendy’s rapido about everything in life. So this sloooooowneess is a new thing to me. I remembered the 10 spies who went to spy out the land and 8 had NO hope, only 2 believed God even though it looked impossible. I have to remember this – even though my days may look hopeless- I don’t believe what I feel or see – I have to have hope, I have to believe that better days and healing are ahead. It would greatly displease God to see that I didn’t hope in His healing and hope and know that He is always with me.
  1. Fix my thoughts. I had to recite this daily and answer each question.
  • what is true? God cares and watches over me, I rest in His shadow
  • What is Noble? A heart that Loves the Lord
  • What is right? That I don’t give up, that I hang on to the Lord – wait on the Lord, yes wait on the Lord
  • What is pure? The heart of the Father who created me and His Son who died for my awful sins.
  • What is lovely? Your eyes are like doves, thank you Jesus!
  • What is admirable? to be light and an example of Christ in this world
  • What is excellent? God’s goodness!
  • What is praiseworthy? My heart is full of thanks for all the blessings of God, they cannot be counted. So so so so thankful for laughter and humor. So many things have made me laugh even when I couldn’t talk in the hospital.
  1. Change your thoughts to thankfulness, certainly theres something you can be thankful for. Hey! I can read!
  2. Ask God for joy, that He would pour out the oil of gladness on you. sing it: If you want joy, you must ask for it, if you waaant joooy you must ask for it…the joy of the Lord is your strength!
  3. I hope I never have another bear dream again
  4. God knew this was going to happen, God is in control. He cares! yes He does. Trust in Him
  5. Ask for peace, amen. Pray for healing and never give up.
  6. I watched John Hagee and He said God never takes something from you unless He’s going to give you something far better than what you have. Give up whatever keeps you in bondage. Take the challenge to be better than what you can be. Maybe God dropped a catfish in my life to increase vigor – had to watch show to get that
  7. I’m getting dizzy but I don’t want to stop
  8. I found peace and rest in the shelter of the Most High, yes I did.
  9. He calls you back to Him
  10. His mercy is New every day! I say this every morning to myself. I didn’t get it at first but now I do.
  11. His power is perfected in weakness, I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one. Read Paul’s many attacks and you’ll feel better.
  12. Read Job, He lost everything, even his dignity before all he knew. Hang on to God’s hope and don’t ever give up.
  13. Stop worrying, you need to fix your thoughts for that one.
  14. Bring all your thoughts captive to the Lord! He’s had to take a lot of luggage full of thoughts from me lately.
  15. Let the Word of God change your mind, to be a new person in Christ
  16. Glory in your infirmaties  – Lord knows I’m still working on that – that the power of Christ may rest upon me, I’m not sure I wrote that one right
  17. The stuff I’m writing is in the bible, but I don’t have the wherewithal to give you the scriptures
  18. Should I celebrate Rosh Hashana ?
  19. So so so thankful for friends and family for helping me! Also, for sending me encouraging verses – and dinner! thanks M!
  20. “Nevertheless, He regarded their affliction, when He heard them cry” Ps 106:44
  21. The Lord says ” I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God and they shall be my people” 2 Cor 6″16
  22. “They cried out to the Lord in their trouble and He delivered them out of their distresses. Ps107;6
  23. Repent! I’ve been a jerk
  24. Sorrow and mourning is good, it refines us, ask King Solomon, he’ll tell you
  25. “He brought me out of the darkness and the shadow of death and broke their chains in pieces. Ps 107 somewhere
  26. Is 26:3-4 The Lord will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Him. Trust in the Lord forever
  27. Calm down! psalm 131
  28. Charles Stanley said ” You cannot wander to far, fail too many times or exceed Christ’s love. When you repent and turn to Him, He restores you to fellowship as though nothing had ever happened.

 

Okay, Im too dizzy and slightly nauseous to finish but I have lots more to share and say but it takes to much effort so for now, I must rest! That needs editing, excuse me, I must go stare at my closet door for a few hours. I hope you enjoy my journey blog.

Pray always. The Our father and Ps 23 have been my guide and the meditation of my heart through it all.

Peace people and Behave!