Post Concussion Syndrome Week 4 recovery PCS (day 33)

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I know these aren’t in line with my usual posts, but if someone is googling for help with PCS, I hope they can find some kind of hope here and know they are NOT alone. The video below is the only site I could find relating to what I am dealing with after weeks of searching.

I mentioned last week how I was coping and listed a few things that helped me including verses. If anyone is suffering form PCS or you know anyone who is, below is an excellent video that describes what we are going through. If anyone asks how I am, I either reply with a good, okay, alright or hurting. I don’t go into detail because I don’t want to think about it, but Laura, in the video below, describes everything I am experiencing as I trek though this.

Like shes says, we don’t have a cast on our head and we look normal, but we are dealing with many concussion symptoms no one can see – not even MRI’s or CT scans.

Am I any better than last week? Well, it’s like asking if I saw any growth in the tree in my backyard. I’m sure it grew, but I just can’t see it. Please know that hope is ahead and don’t ever ever give up. Use scripture to pull you out of the pit of depression and anxiety, ask for prayer – or leave a comment and I will be praying for you. The bible says to rejoice in our trials, find something to give thanks about and listen to uplifting songs of hope. I am thankful God stopped everything in my life and had me slow down. I now have more time with the Lord and more time for prayer.

 

In the first week or two after hitting my head, I felt like I was being sealed up in a coffin and no one could see  I was alive. Inside I was myself and my thoughts were normal but I couldn’t express anything. It made me wonder about the many people and children I see in wheelchairs that can’t talk or express themselves. I wonder if inside they want so badly to talk and express themselves but they are shut in and no one understands.

We are still the same, our processor is just a little slow

How much longer do I have? I don’t know and I don’t care right now. I don’t want to think about it. I can’t walk 7 miles or go to dance class everyday like I used to, but I’ll find new things to do. Take the challenge! Be strong! Walk by faith, even when we can’t see it. Remember Hebrews 11 says : Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. You may not see or feel it, but have Faith that God will heal you and don’t let your faith get tossed around like the waves of the sea. Get scripture out and say it all day if you have to, keep your Faith alive and refuse to entertain thoughts of hopelessness and fear. It’s not easy. It’s a war and you need to fight it.

 

2 Cor 12:9 MY GRACE is sufficient for you for my POWER is
made perfect in WEAKNESS.

God knows

God cares

God sees

God hears 

Cry out to Him

Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
 I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;

Wait, I say, on the Lord ! Psalm 27:14

The Lord says,  “In returning and rest you shall be saved;
In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.”Isaiah 30:15

Recovery from TBI: Expectations vs. Reality: Trying To Explain My Brain Injury To Most People .....Is Like Trying To Nail Jello To A Tree.~Gary TBI Survivor 2003:

Concussion Recovery week 3. day 27

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ughhhhh 27 days! Can you believe this. I wished I was still sleeping when I woke up today because when I’m sleeping there is no pain, just an occasional weird dream. Not every morning is like today, every day is different.

I don’t have an exciting story about my concussion, I woke up with a bruised head and later I bumped my head at the gym during a vacation in fort Myers at Pink Shell. Two hours later it hit me. Not an exciting story, I wasn’t doing triples on skates, kayaking through rough waters, jumping out of an airplane or exploring caves in Turkey – no, just an ordinary knock me out concussion without notice! I’m in bed most of the day. I’m not supposed to read, watch tv or do anything with thinking but here I am blogging and I’m reading the bible, a little dizzy now, but I hope to make it through.

I had NO idea recovery would be this long. I’ve been wanting to blog but my mind won’t let me. It’s difficult to drive, it takes all my concentration. If I see a bird or an iguana or anything that gets my attention, I forget I’m driving “Oh look! that hawk is huge and has a fish in his claws..or is it a baby duck, what is it hmmm I wonder what lake he got that fish from  ” or “wow, look at all those vultures circling the marked off area of swamp, I bet there’s a body in there, should I call the authorities, why aren’t the vultures eating yet” . So on my last 2 short driving excursions, those were a couple of my distracting thoughts before I remember again that I’m driving. I stay off the road mainly, just once or twice took a short drive, but need more time.  If someone in front of you is slow, please be patient! it may be me, and I always honk back. That’s just who I am.

I can handle an occasional conversation but if I’m around more than 3 people, I get really confused and it’s difficult.

Staring has become my new hobby and scrubbing grout or a stain on anything for a long time, is a new skill i can do. I now notice things I never did before, like how I need to clean my blinds and my kitchen cupboards. One thing at a time. It’s almost like I’m on Ritalin. but hey, is anyone listening?

One of my first days back at attempting to read, I read this:

Daniel 11:35 And some of those of understanding shall fall, to refine them, purify them, and make them white, until the time of the end; because it is still for the appointed time.

  Wait a minute, I just fell and is this verse telling me something  or am I thinking to much?

So let me share some things I’ve learned, Ive thought or helped me though:

  1. Always be prepared – Thank God I had 6 months of homeschool planned with papers printed and organized in a binder per week. I am sure God nudged me to do that for this purpose.
  2. Live a life to please the Lord and not people. I can’t make everyone happy and I am A OK with that.
  3. I think depression is an evil spirit that tries to take over, you need to fight back. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. If you don’t agree, that’s cool, I have no energy to fight. I think the same of anxiety as well. I cant see into the spirit world, but that’s what I’m thinking. Don’t be mad
  4. Is it just me, or are doctor’s over medicating everyone
  5. Please be quiet
  6. Always remain hopeful! So many times I was losing hope, hate that feeling! Healing is taking so long and I’m used to drive through wendy’s rapido about everything in life. So this sloooooowneess is a new thing to me. I remembered the 10 spies who went to spy out the land and 8 had NO hope, only 2 believed God even though it looked impossible. I have to remember this – even though my days may look hopeless- I don’t believe what I feel or see – I have to have hope, I have to believe that better days and healing are ahead. It would greatly displease God to see that I didn’t hope in His healing and hope and know that He is always with me.
  1. Fix my thoughts. I had to recite this daily and answer each question.
  • what is true? God cares and watches over me, I rest in His shadow
  • What is Noble? A heart that Loves the Lord
  • What is right? That I don’t give up, that I hang on to the Lord – wait on the Lord, yes wait on the Lord
  • What is pure? The heart of the Father who created me and His Son who died for my awful sins.
  • What is lovely? Your eyes are like doves, thank you Jesus!
  • What is admirable? to be light and an example of Christ in this world
  • What is excellent? God’s goodness!
  • What is praiseworthy? My heart is full of thanks for all the blessings of God, they cannot be counted. So so so so thankful for laughter and humor. So many things have made me laugh even when I couldn’t talk in the hospital.
  1. Change your thoughts to thankfulness, certainly theres something you can be thankful for. Hey! I can read!
  2. Ask God for joy, that He would pour out the oil of gladness on you. sing it: If you want joy, you must ask for it, if you waaant joooy you must ask for it…the joy of the Lord is your strength!
  3. I hope I never have another bear dream again
  4. God knew this was going to happen, God is in control. He cares! yes He does. Trust in Him
  5. Ask for peace, amen. Pray for healing and never give up.
  6. I watched John Hagee and He said God never takes something from you unless He’s going to give you something far better than what you have. Give up whatever keeps you in bondage. Take the challenge to be better than what you can be. Maybe God dropped a catfish in my life to increase vigor – had to watch show to get that
  7. I’m getting dizzy but I don’t want to stop
  8. I found peace and rest in the shelter of the Most High, yes I did.
  9. He calls you back to Him
  10. His mercy is New every day! I say this every morning to myself. I didn’t get it at first but now I do.
  11. His power is perfected in weakness, I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one. Read Paul’s many attacks and you’ll feel better.
  12. Read Job, He lost everything, even his dignity before all he knew. Hang on to God’s hope and don’t ever give up.
  13. Stop worrying, you need to fix your thoughts for that one.
  14. Bring all your thoughts captive to the Lord! He’s had to take a lot of luggage full of thoughts from me lately.
  15. Let the Word of God change your mind, to be a new person in Christ
  16. Glory in your infirmaties  – Lord knows I’m still working on that – that the power of Christ may rest upon me, I’m not sure I wrote that one right
  17. The stuff I’m writing is in the bible, but I don’t have the wherewithal to give you the scriptures
  18. Should I celebrate Rosh Hashana ?
  19. So so so thankful for friends and family for helping me! Also, for sending me encouraging verses – and dinner! thanks M!
  20. “Nevertheless, He regarded their affliction, when He heard them cry” Ps 106:44
  21. The Lord says ” I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God and they shall be my people” 2 Cor 6″16
  22. “They cried out to the Lord in their trouble and He delivered them out of their distresses. Ps107;6
  23. Repent! I’ve been a jerk
  24. Sorrow and mourning is good, it refines us, ask King Solomon, he’ll tell you
  25. “He brought me out of the darkness and the shadow of death and broke their chains in pieces. Ps 107 somewhere
  26. Is 26:3-4 The Lord will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Him. Trust in the Lord forever
  27. Calm down! psalm 131
  28. Charles Stanley said ” You cannot wander to far, fail too many times or exceed Christ’s love. When you repent and turn to Him, He restores you to fellowship as though nothing had ever happened.

 

Okay, Im too dizzy and slightly nauseous to finish but I have lots more to share and say but it takes to much effort so for now, I must rest! That needs editing, excuse me, I must go stare at my closet door for a few hours. I hope you enjoy my journey blog.

Pray always. The Our father and Ps 23 have been my guide and the meditation of my heart through it all.

Peace people and Behave!

 

 

 

 

Pastor Saeed’s letter to his daughter Rebekka. A message of Hope

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Saeed Abedini, the American pastor imprisoned in Iran, writes an encouraging and beautiful letter to his daughter on her eighth birthday.Pastor Saeed Abedini wrote this letter to his daughter for her 8th birthday, which was on September 12. This is the third birthday of Rebekka’s that Pastor Saeed has missed while he languishes in an Iranian prison for his faith. Source: Samaritan’s Purse

My Dearest Rebekka Grace,

HAPPY 8th BIRTHDAY!

You are growing so fast and becoming more beautiful every day. I praise God for His faithfulness to me every day as I watch from a distance through the prison walls and see pictures and hear stories of how you are growing both spiritually and physically.

Oh how I long to see you.

I know that you question why you have prayed so many times for my return and yet I am not home yet. Now there is a big WHY In your mind you are asking: WHY Jesus isn’t answering your prayers and the prayers of all of the people around the world praying for my release and for me to be home with you and our family.

The answer to the WHY is WHO. WHO is control? LORD JESUS CHRIST is in control.

I desire for you to learn important lessons during these trying times. Lessons that you carry now and for the rest of your life. The answer to the WHY is WHO. The confusion of “WHY has all of this happened?” and “WHY your prayers are not answered yet” is resolved with understanding WHO is in control…LORD JESUS CHRIST, our GOD!

God is in control of the whole world and everything that is happening in it is for His good purpose, for His glory, and will be worked out for our good (Romans 8:28). Jesus allows me to be kept here for His glory. He is doing something inside each of us and also outside in the world. People die and suffer for their Christian faith all over the world and some may wonder why? But you should know the answer of WHY is WHO. It is for Jesus. He is worth the price. And He has a plan to be glorified through our lives.

I want you to read the book of Habakkuk. He had the same question as you. But see that the Lord answered him in Habakkuk 2:3, “the vision comes and doesn’t delay on time, wait for it.” Mommy and I always had big desires to serve Jesus and had great vision to be used for His Kingdom and for His Glory. So today we pay a cost because God, who created us, called us to that.

And so I want you to know that the answer to all of your prayers is that God is in control, and He knows better than us what He is doing in our lives and all around the world.

Therefore declare as Daniel and his friends Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-­‐Nego did in Daniel 3: 17-­‐18!

17 If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. 18 But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.”

And learn and declare as Habakkuk did that even if we do not get the result that we are looking for, God is still good and we WILL praise His Holy Name.

Habakkuk 3:17-­19

17 Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls— 18 Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation. 19 The Lord God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer’s feet, And He will make me walk on my high hills.

Then my dear beloved daughter Rebekka Grace, I pray God will bring me back home soon. But if not, we will still sing together as Habakkuk did HALLELUJAH, either separated by prison walls or together at home.

So, let Daddy hear you sing a loud Hallelujah that I can hear all the way here in the prison!

I am so proud of you my sweet courageous daughter. Glory to God forever, Amen.

Kisses and Blessings,

Daddy

If I have nothing, I will always have hope. If my world crumbles and the earth quakes, I still have hope to cling to. If I hear of sickness and the dread of evil, I will not fear for I always have hope. I know that there will be a day of no more tears and no more fears.

A hope in the evidence of things unseen, which is my faith Hebrews 11:1

A hope, that now through Christ, I can draw close to God Hebrews 7:17-19

A hope, that is the anchor of my soul. Even though this life I may go through storms, trials and troubles that try to sweep me away into the waters, I will always cling to my hope, always looking ahead, always running for the prize, never doubting and finding my strength to endure in this hope Hebrews 6:1-

A hope that brings me behind the veil, into the Holy presence of our creator and Lord Jesus Christ who entered for us. This hope is sure and steadfast Hebrews 6:19

A hope that endures through the end Hebrews 6:11

A hope in eternal life and heirs to His Kingdom Titus 3:17

A prayer of hope, a prayer of praise, a prayer for direction, a prayer for strength in troubled times

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O Lord God of Heaven and Earth,

In danger, I will hide beneath your wings
In fear, I will trust in you
In despair, I give my burdens to you.
In my sins, you purify me
In brokenness, you restore my joy.
In troubles, you rescue me each time.
In hard times, you give me more than enough
I will not be disgraced.
In discouragement, I will hope in You
I will praise You again.
If I stumble, you keep me from falling
You hold me by my hand.
If I have gone astray, you show me the right way
You point in the direction in which I am to go.

   O God, I praise you. You are my King and my God. You knew me before the foundation of the the earth, you know me by name. How beautiful are your laws. Your unfailing love covers me as a shield. You alone are Holy and Righteous. Let all the earth praise your Great name. For in my distress you heard me, You lifted me out of raging waters. You are my refuge and my High tower of safety. I will shout to you with joyful praise. You are my refuge and my strength, my ever-present help in times of trouble.

Lord, my troubles overwhelm me, my enemies surround me and bring trouble. Confuse my enemies O Lord. Confuse and frustrate the plans of the wicked, for wickedness has filled my land, truth and righteousness are no longer found and everything is falling apart. But I will call on my God- The Lord who rescues me- The God who has ruled forever will rescue me. Lord, look upon the threats and those who speak against you and your laws. I will no longer worry about the wicked, I remember that they will soon fade away. Grant your servants with all boldness to speak your Word by stretching out your hand to heal and that signs and wonders may be done through your name of your Holy Servant Jesus.

Lord, may your face shine upon your people. Arise O lord and rescue us. Slap all our enemies in the face for victory comes from you O God, Bless your people. You are my light and my Salvation, why should I be afraid? I will remain confident in You. Teach me how to live O God. Lead me along the right paths. I will wait patiently for the Lord. I will be brave and courageous for you O God. Yes, I will wait patiently for You. You are my Rock and my Safety, my Strength and my Shield. I trust in you with all my heart. You strengthen me and fill me with joy.

Lord, answer my cries in my times of trouble. Strengthen me according to your word. May your name keep me from all harm , send your help from the sanctuary to rescue me and strengthen me from your Holy Mountain. May you grant us our hearts desires and make all our plans succeed. Lord, answer the people’s prayers. Lead me in the right path, O Lord, and make your way plain for me to follow. Bless me, indeed, and enlarge my territory that your hand would be with me and that you would keep me from evil that I may not cause pain to anyone.

Thank you Father for your Holy Spirit, for saving me and dwelling in me. Thank you for your unconditional love, your tender mercies and for faithfully keeping your promises. I know that with you, O God, I can overcome every obstacle, with you, O God, I can do all things through Christ Jesus. I can face each day with joy and victory no matter what comes my way. I stand unshakable because you are with me. No matter what trials may come my way, I stand unshakable because You are My God and in You I trust. I give my burdens to you, O Lord and I know you will take care of me. I trust in you to save me, so why should I be afraid?

Your promises are true and trustworthy, standing forever. You help those who trust in You. You will grant the desires of those hearts who delight in You. You causes those who trust in you to live in safety and prosper.  You give all those who fear your name all their needs.  Who are we that you should consider us? Your grace and love over us is too infinite for us to understand. Thank you for your unfailing love.

If I have gone astray or drifted from your laws, show me the right path. Create in me a clean heart O God, and renew a loyal spirit within in me. Do not banish me from your presence. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and make me willing to obey you. For your instructions are my joy, they are perfect and revive my soul. Cleanse me from my hidden faults and keep me from sin and don’t let them control me. I put my hope in you.

I will not fear when troubles come.  I will not fear when earthquakes come or when mountains crumble into the sea. I will wait patiently for You, my God, I will stand still before Your presence, for You, My God will be honored in every nation and throughout the world. The Lord of Heavens armies is here among us, praise His name, and the God of Israel is our Fortress forever. In you O God, I trust,

In the name of Jesus, the Holy Son of God, I pray  Amen
Psalms  3, 4, 5,6,7,19, 20, 27,28,35, 51,56, Acts 4, 1 Cor 3