Tremble with fear and stop sinning;
think deeply about this,
when you lie in silence on your beds. Ps 4:4
One night I was furiously mad at something. I was trying desperately to forgive so I could go to sleep. I tried and tried on my own- but I was still ANGRY! God showed me something supernatural that night as I lay awake-but before he showed me this… I kept reciting and remembering the following passages as I tossed and turned late into the night:
In your anger do not sin” Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. ’ Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Col 3 :13 Eph 4:26 Matt 5:22 James 1:20
( This was easy to remember, recite and ponder on- but why was my anger still raging within me? Why did I keep forgiving, but needed to do so every second as it entered my mind again?)
REVENGE IS NOT MINE
To be truthful, I wanted revenge, I know, it’s horrible- but I did! How could this be? me? a christian? a student of the word? One who claimed to “Love the Lord” and to always walk in obedience.
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” Jer 17:9
Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against a fellow Israelite, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the LORD. Romans 12:19 Lev 19:8
GOD HAS FORGIVEN ME- I NEED TO FORGIVE OTHERS
I tried to remember all God had forgiven me.
Instead, be kind to each other, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. If you forgive anyone’s sins, they are forgiven. If you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.” Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, you must forgive. Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. luke 6:27,Eph 4:32, John 20:23
As I night went on I prayed out to God, ” O Lord, help me forgive this person- let me not seek revenge. Clean out my heart O, Lord and renew a right spirit within me. This is just to hard for me, I don’t want to forgive, but I know I have to, help me, help me Lord- don’t let me fall asleep angry. Help me forgive”
I SAW JESUS ON THE CROSS
At that moment I closed my eyes and I saw a cross. I opened my eyes in shock, what was that? I closed my eyes again and saw Jesus on the cross. I was scared and opened my eyes again, so I wouldn’t see. I closed them again and saw more. It was as if I was there at the time Jesus died. I could see a panoramic view of everything as if I were standing to the left of the cross.
The next thing I saw -as if I were hoovering above him- I saw the Lord’s face and I looked down and His body was wrapped in a white garment- but not His face because I could see Him. He was in a wooden box so they could carry Him- but the box had no covering. The sky was still dark as the men and the man who loved Him carried Him off. The last vision I saw was Jesus’ body being carried off by the man who loved Him and with about 5-6 other men- 3 on one side of the box and 3 on the other side and the land was dark.
(As evening approached, there came a rich man from Arimathea, named Joseph, who had himself become a disciple of Jesus. Going to Pilate, he asked for Jesus’ body, and Pilate ordered that it be given to him. Joseph took the body, wrapped it in a clean linen cloth Mt 27:57)
Do I understand what my God did for me? I’m crushed in my spirit and broken for my selfish ways as I think on what Jesus did for me. “Jesus said, Forgive them, Father! They don’t know what they are doing.” He forgave those that hurt him, killed him, mocked Him and He was God, surely I can forgive someone who has hurt me. I was created to be like Him and that I will strive to do.
And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.